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Miss Nikki
Miss Nikki 50F
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

D/s - Leadership Skills

By: Miss Nikki 50F | Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Effective leadership is the missing link for most D/s relationships. This is hard to accept if you are Dominant, because ultimately it falls on your shoulders, and that's a heavy fucking weight to carry. You see, you are human and human errors will most definitely occur.If you claim you are not superman/woman, it is an excuse.
"If a submissive fails, it is the Dom who failed" I don't know who said it, I was just told this over and over.

This is no different than running a business, with all its moving parts. You would not lose your temper with an employee and scream or snip at them when they ask a question, nor lecture them like they were 5, and yet expect them to work effectively,. Or else, you would suck as a business owner and no one would want to work for you...Why would a submissive want to comply if that was how it was? Just like an employee, she is looking for effective positive leadership.

The submissive is required to worship you and your body. You are omnipotent in your control and the sub's submission. A submissive must be selfless , in order to submit. To blame the sub, is to analogize: You have a dog. That dog is loyal, is always happy to see you, and gives 100% obedience overall...Do you think of the dog as an annoyance? Do you tell the dog that it should not think of you as God and be independent, like there is a switch to turn off their need of you?

You took another human being as your submissive, required them to want to be selfless and need you, but they can't be too needy? Does that not sound ridiculous to you? I mean wtf? Ive never understood Doms that say that they expect a sub to be independent and you are not God..
When I say she/he thinks you are, they go into a diatribe about this being a normal relationship other than the dynamic...?
A submissive is selfless and gives themselves to your every desire. Being selfless is what is required of a human being in order to make them able to emotionally handle submission. Re read that paragraph over and over again and again.

The only person a Dominant can relate being selfless to, is the person who raised you or a parent, They love you unconditionally. That is why it devastates a sub, if you leave them, or threaten to. You run the risks of cray cray stalkers, because of this very selflessness.

Well, hello, here is your aha moment...
You have to be a leader to finesse this human you decided to take as yours and help improve their submission, or whatever they need help doing. You have to be able to figure out their triggers, and make that aid effective, without pushing them to the edge of breaking.
Remember: "Never break your toy?"That was one of the tenets of BDSM, if you are like me and came in with a mentor and immersed yourself in learning properly (which not many of you do, just sayin; So tired of that, but I digress)

What you all need to do is work on effective management skills, for a guide on how you approach that human. When you lose your cool, you are no longer in control. Your anger is in the power struggle. Tonality is the fine line between abuse and dominance, I mean, I would imagine the ideal Dom would have been someone like the Karate Kid's Mr. Myagi, approaching struggles in a thoughtful manner, and calm, so situations de-escalate.

I once wrote a post and said "If you don't have control of yourself, you have no business controlling another human being, who is a living, breathing, feeling, creature" And you cannot claim to not being more responsible for a submissive, than a vanilla relationship would be based on. A vanilla relationship does not usually have that unconditional love's why there is a "gift" of submission...

Clearly, you are looking at this differently now that you have read this post, and all of us can expect you to raise the bar on yourself....

Song for this post
Emotional Rescue - The Rolling Stones

Total comments:8

Created:Nov 08, 2022

Last comment:Nov 08, 2023


Total views:146

Freaky1856 41TG
Vineland, New Jersey

Do anyone see how racism is now being put in our faces in porn do u know the origin?

By: Freaky1856 41TG | Vineland, New Jersey
Cuckold hmmm For those that don't know you all are doing it wrong so my question is why you really do it?
it  is used in white supremacist and far right communities and contains innuendo that the target of the insult is aroused by the prospect of their partner being raped by members of other races.
slang for: A race traitor.
Rising from relative obscurity, “cuck” and its derivatives have become a favorite way for alt-righters to insult anyone who does not fall in line with their ultra-reactionary ideologies. But before it became a staple on the neo-Nazi edges of 4chan, Reddit and the comments sections of Breitbart, it was a medieval word, conveying a very medieval idea.
The Vile Origins
Cuck, as you might expect, come from the word cuckold, an insulting word for a man whose wife is cheating on him. The Oxford English Dictionary places its first attested use in the mid-thirteenth century Middle English poem “The Owl and the Nightingale”. The poem recounts a comic debate between an Owl and a Nightingale, and here the Owl is taking a remarkably forward-thinking stance on gender relations. He is discussing a common occurrence—a man loses interest in his wife, and pursues other women. He then begins to abuse his wife—in the original him a cuckold.
In other words, if a woman is being abused by her philandering husband, it’s no surprise that she would cheat on him too. Seems reasonable. But, when this idea was viewed through the lens of the toxic, patriarchal masculinity of the Middle Ages, it took a dark turn.
 Not ideal. Conception of Alexander the Great, Les faize d’Alexandre (translation of Historiae Alexandri Magni of Quintus Curtius Rufus), Bruges ca. 1468-1475. British Library, Burney 169, fol. 14r
Men who were cuckolds may have only had themselves to blame (compounded by the medieval idea that women were more sexual than men). But he was shamed not because of his behavior, but because of hers. This generated intense anxiety in men, since one of the central aspects of being a man meant controlling the women in your life—an idea that had been enshrined into law. And court records show the results: as Derek Neal writes,
“fights, wife-beatings and even homicides could originate in men’s anxiety that their wives had made them cuckolds, or in the use of the word cuckold as an insult between men.”
This word cuckold and the idea of the shamed, cuckolded man, shows up in some of our most celebrated literature. From Chaucer’s Miller’s Tale:
This carpenter hadde wedded newe a wyf,
Which that he lovede moore than his lyf;
Of eighteteene yeer she was of age.
Jalous he was, and heeld hire narwe in cage,
For she was wylde and yong, and he was old
And demed hymself been lik a cokewold.
This carpenter had recently wedded a wife,
Whom he loved more than his life;
She was eighteen years of age.
Jealous he was, and held her narrowly in confinement,
For she was wild and young, and he was old
And believed himself likely to be a cuckold.
to the Morte D’Arthur, to nearly half of Shakespeare’s plays and poems, the anxiety about being cheated upon—and thus losing control of your woman—became pervasive. There is a gendered opposite, “cuckquean” first seen in 1546. But this did not catch on to nearly the same degree—women’s infidelities aroused anxiety; men’s infidelities elicited praise.
By the 20th century, the word had faded enough into obscurity that the word was often defined in the margins of editions of Shakespeare or Chaucer. Part of this was likely due to changing gender and sexual norms—while few people like being cheated on, the invention of reliable birth control meant that infidelity less often resulted in children. The rise of feminism and the sexual revolution meant that, among progressive households, men and women saw each other increasingly as equal partners rather than property. In the past two decades, with the LGBTQ rights movement has come an acceptance of sexual partnerships that relax or do away with monogamy entirely—the rise of polyamory and what Dan Savage has termed “monogamish” relationships.
But then, the backlash.
The word cuckold, like so many things do, saw its rebirth in porn. The last decade’s renaissance in free streaming video content online has resulted in an incredible diversification of the porn industry. The famous meme “rule 34 of the internet” states: “If it exists, there is porn of it—no exceptions“, and that holds true here; “cuckold porn” found a healthy niche market on the internet. Cuckold porn features, as you might expect, scenarios where a man is humiliated by his wife having sex with another man. And, putting America’s racist id fully on display, often the man she is having sex with is black—apparently the ultimate humiliation and outrage for some consumers.
It has been assumed by the news outlets reporting on the lurid history of the word “cuck” that those men who consume cuckold porn are sexually submissive, aroused by putting themselves in the shoes of the man being cuckolded. But in light of the way cuck has been appropriated by the alt-right, it is clear there is another audience still: those who, even literally, get off watching a man be humiliated. This lays bare the power dynamic that was always inherent in the use of the word—in order for a man to be dragged down by it, there has to be another who feels it lifts them up.
And more, implicit in the idea of “cuck” and cuckold porn is that the husband in this scenario, either willingly or because of his inherent weakness, is giving up that which is rightfully his to a person who should be the enemy. There is a homosexual implication here—that the cuckolded man secretly (or not-so-secretly) desires the cuckolder. And because the racial dynamics within much of cuckold porn calls back to the earliest days of the Ku Klux Klan, where central to their mythology was the fear that liberals were giving their white women over to black men. All of this leads to an image of degradation and weakness that is loaded not just with sex, but the worst homophobic and racist politics.
Mainstreaming Cuck as a Crypto-slur
The word cuckold was perfect for the alt-right. Its meaning is tantalizingly filthy, its sound abrasive, and its relative obscurity fits well in a world where language is coded and cryptic (both to establish the in-group from the out and as a method of obfuscation). They took the word, shortened it to cuck (easier to tweet), and deployed it as their insult du jour. Anti-feminists steeped in the toxic masculinities of Reddit’s /r/RedPill, 4chan’s /pol/, or GamerGate used it to shame the men they despised.
 Louis CK was one of the first targets of this term. This is why friends don’t let friends use 4chan. (Ed note, 2017: Louis C.K. sucks).During the 2016 presidential election, the term went mainstream. Those the alt-right found new purpose in their chosen candidate, Donald Trump—to them, he was the opposite of a cuck: masculine, authoritarian, extremist, and uncompromising. He flaunted his numerous sexual infidelities—always the cuckolder, never the cuck. The infamous Access Hollywood tape, where Trump bragged about his ability to sexually assault women with impunity, only solidified this in their eyes. Rush Limbaugh began using the term.
In July 2015, early in the campaign, the term mutated into “cuckservative”. The neologism, as The Washington Post reported:
“…burned up Twitter as fans of Donald Trump’s politicking warred with the movement conservatives who opposed it.”
Soon, any conservative who opposed Donald Trump, whether opponents like Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio, or mainstream conservative pundits and commentators, was tarred with the term. And it is easy to see how Trump could be seen in the cuck paradigm—he was not just beating his opponents, but humiliating them, sliming their wives and families. It did not matter that none of it was true. What matters is that he forced them to watch as he violated their families.
It was at this point that the word cuck metastasized and took on new meanings, as it became a catch-all insult for any man they despised. In some circles, it has become synonymous with “race traitor”, as the Southern Poverty Law Center describes:
“White supremacists have been more than happy to co-opt the terminology, even tailor its definition to further describe politicians who don’t fall in line with the white nationalist cause.”
The Anti-Defamation League has found it being used in anti-Semitic circles
“by white supremacists to describe a white Christian conservative who promotes the interests of Jews and non-whites over those of whites.”
Unsurprisingly, but tellingly, the term began being used on Steve Bannon’s website Breitbart (which I refuse to link to)—not just in the comments sections, but in headlines like “’Cuckservative’ is a Gloriously Effective Insult”, and “Don’t Be a Cuck, Zuck! Accept My Debate Challenge”.
It is easy for language such as this to go unnoticed by those who are not its target. If you find it used in your classrooms, your social circles, or by your political opponents, you now know what you are dealing with.
And, I will be frank. This literally medieval toxic masculinity will now occupy the White House—bringing with it the worst corners of the racist, anti-Semitic and xenophobic right wing. I will be the first to argue that comparisons to the Middle Ages are overused within political discourses. But in this case, the term, and those who use it, should be confined to the dustbin of history.
if you have any respect or any kind of compassion or care can we get rid of that one disturbing word 


Total comments:0

Created:Jun 02, 2024

Total views:15