TL, DR: I love to crossdress, have breasts, feel feminine, but I am not transgender.
Update August 2021: This original post was writing in 2019. May 2021 - I have come out as transgender so ... so much for not being transgender. However, I still don't hate my penis.
In July 2018, I started experimenting with herbs to see if I could develop breasts. Having breasts has always been a fantasy of mine.
I have always been confused by my feelings around breasts.
Stories about men developing breasts seemed to be:
1. forced feminization,
2. A step toward a complete transition to female
3. submissive and weak willed.
The breasts were huge and the gurls were sluts.
When I read about transgender people, they seemed like people who were unhappy in their birth gender. I didn't feel unhappy. I was almost indifferent actually. There are things I like about being male (peeing standing up! No lines for toilets, male privilege! Not having to worry about personal safety, and the list goes on and on.)
The things I hate about being male is around dress. Or more specifically, dresses, colors and the female body feeling and looking sexy in a way that I envied.
.... I wanted breasts and sexy hips so I could wear the sexy clothing...
... but I didn't hate my penis.
Fortunately, I meet and married my wife who loved and encouraged my crossdressing. Her acceptance was amazingly positive. Without her saying it explicitly, I became aware that I could dress in sexy women's clothing and still be a sexy MALE. Not only male, but the primary dominant in our relationship.
So functioning male, dominant, but wearing sexy women's clothing. Very much not in the typical story arc of crossdressers.
In the course of my marriage, I realized how important it was to me to have children. I really wanted to be a parent. Not an adoptive parent, but a parent from the very beginning to adulthood. I love being a dad.
I had this intense desire to have breasts - I always had this body image of being a feminine, fully functional male with breasts.
Even on Kinkyad, I felt odd and unique. In July 2018, I happen to go to a crossdresser/sissy munch. There I meet MissTeri. MissTeri is a functional male. Who presents as male to the outside world with the most amazing set of breasts. I was completely blown away. MissTeri was me!
Literally, the day after meeting MissTeri I read her long post. I then ordered the herbs and creams needed to start developing breasts. There was no question in my mind that I had to try to get the breasts I was always meant to have.
I read the skeptical posts arguing that there was no way a topical cream could cause breasts to develop. I didn't care. I had to try.
My body clearly agreed. Within 3 months I had very distinctive breast development. Within 5 months I had breast bounce that required wearing a bra.
My breasts and nipples are amazingly sensitive. My wife loves that she can drive me wild by playing with them. They are everything I had hoped for.
I have had play encounters with men and enjoyed on occasion anal intercourse (protected of course!)
... and yet I still PREFER to have vanilla sex with my lovely wife of 19 years. I love her sexy body, even when she does not believe she is sexy. She know the things to say to get me aroused. And I enjoy being with her every day.
... I have breasts, I am a crossdresser, and I am not transitioning.....